half-alone with a half-broken-heart

None of the scenarios today are good. I realized Christmas day is already next week; and realizing I just realized it today gave me a mocking feeling. I used to be a sucker of Christmas. December 25. It is theoretically and historically speaking, the most special day. The previous last two of them are quite more special. I think of those long ago when I was still in love with my first love. But things have changed. Yesterday was just a memory. And my hardcore theme: Life goes on.

I don’t look back with bitterness. I am happier. But today seems a little bit different. The thought of being alone this Christmas makes me half heartbroken. Oh yes I will not be alone. I have schedule for work. And so I will work. And work. Damn. There is nothing like a bad day to simplify life. All you want is to get over it.

I only have one hope this Christmas. My heart tells me to love him. I must obey or be unhappy. But the green lights are becoming red. I am confused.

Where would I be on these lonely days of questioning?

Today I will go home. Eat. Sleep. And be awake on the 26th.

This is how desperate I am. I hope I feel the other way.